If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
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