apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
