toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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