the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Come on in and take your pants off
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