I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
where are my eyebrows?
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