Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
