my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
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