I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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