Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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