Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
