Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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