Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
