The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
