so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
