I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
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