why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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