I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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