in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Randomize