yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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