So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Randomize
