I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
