So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
