My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
