I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
