Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
