I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize