you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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