he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
