we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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