I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Can I color on your dick again?
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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