I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
i think i just lost a toe
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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