just survived the first fart of the relationship.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
