I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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