you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
