She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Randomize
