and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
