just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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