a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
