I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
She's not a foreskin expert like you
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
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