Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
