One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
