i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
