I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
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On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
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We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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