i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
