Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
