Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
