When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
This is classic penis vs brain.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Randomize
