I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
