Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
