Cold hands, warm shart.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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