M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
