I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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