My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Randomize
