Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
