I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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