It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
You left your phone here
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