I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
