i barfeds in our rink
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
