i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
babies were throwing up all over the place
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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