Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Randomize
