I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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