I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
