did you get engaged???
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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