For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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