careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
